Showing posts with label Overcoming Fear of Commitment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Overcoming Fear of Commitment. Show all posts

Tuesday, 16 June 2020

Overcoming the Fear of Commitment (Day 15)

Attracted to things Feeding Something in Me
The subconscious mind, like the main operating system of a computer, does not analyze or judge the information coming in. Like the Arabian folklore Genie, the function of the subconscious mind is to grant the wishes asked of it, when summoned.

The subconscious mind is a multiplier, a magnifier, a life-giver. It is not a change agent. It believes in consistency. It believes in doing the same old thing the same old way, hence getting the same old result. Its affinity for harmony makes it incapable of rocking the boat. 

As Dr. Mark Williamson outs it, “People recognize that the choices they are making don’t add up to the life they want to live. We can all do better at living more purposefully. The opposite of autopilot is purposeful living,” To bring about a different course, a different direction, a different end result, one needs to engage the conscious mind. One must consciously and consistently choose new actions.

In conscious moments we could tend to do things other than our programming. The challenge is, we are not created to live by conscious effort 24/7. The conscious mind can only concentrate on one thing at a time. Moreso, it needs to shut down for some hours on a daily basis. The conscious mind needs to sleep. It is not designed to work 24/7.

It involves keeping the body working in unison as a single unit of systems, all in sync, and responding to external stimuli adequately. The conscious mind is unable to take on this function. It was not created to do this. 

On the other hand, our subconscious mind never shuts down. It never sleeps. It is at work 24/7, working to deliver the errands it has been sent by virtue of its programming, irrespective of what that is.

Hence, the limitation we bring upon ourselves when/if our conscious and unconscious minds are out of sync. As Bruce Lipton so rightly captured,
"We are not victims of anything other than the programs we are operating from. Change the programs you are operating from. If your subconscious programs match the wishes and desires of the conscious mind, your life will be one continuous honeymoon experience for as long as you live on this planet." (Bruce Lipton)
That is the job cut out for us on this journey. That is, to reprogram our subconscious mind.

Takeaways: (for your journal, and possible sharing in the comments section)
1. What are your personal beliefs? Name any five (5).
2. What are your personal beliefs about relationships?
3. Do you know where these beliefs come from?
4. How have they worked for you so far?
5. Do you want to keep them, change them, or tweak them?

© 2020 Akin Akinbodunse


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Thursday, 11 June 2020

Overcoming the Fear of Commitment (Day 13)

Attracted to things Feeding Something in Me
Left on its own, our lives will track the path it is most comfortable with. That is that which feeds something on the inside. It seeks to bring us in alignment with something in our past, irrespective of our consciousness of it. It is something(s) that left an indelible mark on it, based on the way it made us feel. As Marcel Proust puts it, 
“The inertia of the mind urges it to slide down the easy slope of imagination, rather than to climb the steep slope of introspection.” 
Our subconscious mind (also known as “Default Network,” “Narrative Circuit” or "Autopilot Mode") will rather follow established neurological (neural) pathways than create new ones. That is the most efficient route for it. The defaults are always efficient for the subconscious mind. That is the way it is designed and programmed to function. Williams James puts it like this,
"All our life, so far as it has a definite form, is but a mass of habits – practical, emotional, and intellectual – systematically organized for our weal or woe, and bearing us irresistibly toward our destiny, whatever the latter may be."
So, left undisturbed (uninfluenced) it will always go the path of our established habits, and neural pathways. It is an efficient system. On average, an adult makes 35,000 decisions a day. This is practically undoable at the conscious level. Hence, most of these are done on autopilot using our subconscious mind, in the background, off the critical path of life, offline.
"The word "habit" originally meant a garment or clothing... Our habits are literally garments worn by our personalities. They are not accidental, or happenstance. We have them because they fit us." – Maxwell Maltz.
 Our subconscious mind develops an unconscious decision-making system to manage routines, using our existing habits, beliefs, and bias. This keeps our conscious mind from being overloaded. And, hence is able to focus on the immediate task and essence of living per time. The subconscious mind is the workhorse doing all its work in the background and ensuring all that is needed by our conscious mind is ALWAYS ready, as at when due and needed.

Takeaways: (for your journal, and possible sharing in the comments section)
1. What are your personal beliefs? Name any five (5).
2. What are your personal beliefs about relationships?
3. Do you know where these beliefs come from?
4. How have they worked for you so far?
5. Do you want to keep them, change them, or tweak them?

© 2020 Akin Akinbodunse


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Wednesday, 10 June 2020

Overcoming the Fear of Commitment (Day 12)

Attracted to things Feeding Something in Me
Contrary to our belief that we are rational beings (people who live from or by their conscious mind), we are merciless slaves to that which has been pre-programmed in our subconscious mind.
"Nothing binds you except your thoughts; nothing limits you except your fear; nothing controls you except your beliefs." — Marianne Williamson.
Our subconscious mind, not our conscious mind, drives, and controls the majority of our life. The way these two propel our lives is analogous to how long-haul flights operate today. Sam Bray, a Monarch pilot, told Telegraph Travel in 2015, “On a regular flight the autopilot does around 90 percent of the flying.”

Our subconscious mind is fully in control when we are asleep but only controls about 46% of our awake time. The autopilot is analogous to our subconscious mind, while the pilot is analogous to our conscious mind.

Unlike in the flight, where the change is planned and deliberate, the switch between our conscious and subconscious minds is not necessarily planned or deliberate. The switch takes place by nature, automatically, achieving a similar purpose as that on the flights.

For the flights, the plane is flown, and also can be landed, by the autopilot system using data inputted into its brainbox. The subconscious mind takes its input from our conscious mind, interprets it based on its existing bias, that is, its overriding conditioning (belief system, habits, experiences, etc.), and goes to work in achieving the end goal.

The reasons for and benefits of the subconscious mind are analogous to those of the autopilot. The stated reasons and benefits of the autopilot include,
"Primarily, they help keep the crew from getting tired, leaving them free to alter the flight plan, scout for traffic, and monitor the plane’s other systems (like hydraulics and air pressurization). Autopilots also improve fuel efficiency and passenger comfort, since the adjustments made by an autopilot are more subtle and accurate than those made by hand."
In the same token, nature has structured the subconscious mind to coordinate the body system's internal functioning. While it stands ever ready to relieve the conscious mind on habitual functions, the modes of which are pre-recorded in it. Whereas the conscious mind cannot truly multitask, the subconscious mind is a master at the game of multitasking.

The challenges involved with living on the earth require being able to process a multiplicity of data (information, vibes, promptings, etc.), hitting one from a multiplicity of directions and sources all at the same time. Our subconscious mind is the answer. It is God's design to meet up with the varied demands of life and remain sane and healthy. 

When our mind is allowed to work as designed, we can achieve much more in a sustainable, life-giving, and healthy manner. When we don't allow the mind to work as designed, the challenge for us is that we end up doing a lot of things designed to be done offline (i.e., off the critical path), with our subconscious mind online.

That is with our conscious mind, thereby overworking it and keeping it from focusing on its main functions. We give to our conscious mind a load it is not meant to bear. It becomes derelict, and one of the effects is an exposure of our subconscious mind to loads that are not expected to get to it.

We are simply living life out of order. No wonder we are all so stressed out. No wonder there is a prevalence of mental illness in our world today. We can do better.

We don't have to work like an elephant and eat like ants. We can do better. We can work in order. We can work by design. We can work as designed. We can move mountains. We can be the unstoppable Invictus beings we're created to be.

So, what are we waiting for?

Takeaways: (for your journal, and possible sharing in the comments section)
1. What are some of your personal beliefs about life? Name any five (5).
2. What are your personal beliefs about relationships?
3. Do you know where these beliefs come from?
4. How have they worked for you so far?
5. Do you want to keep them, change them, or tweak them?

© 2020 Akin Akinbodunse


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Overcoming the Fear of Commitment (Day 11)

Attracted to things Feeding Something in Me
For as long as a thing can be imagined and its constituent emotions fully embraced, the subconscious mind assumes it as true.

That is, it believes and captures it as a real occurrence, even though it might be a mere figment of the person's imagination. The subconscious mind goes to work in bringing it to reality. That is an actual physical occurrence (manifestation).

This can be both good and/or bad, depending on what is being imagined, and its opportunity cost. This principle finds its use in advertising, marketing, social conditioning, brainwashing, therapies, etc.

Used correctly, it can be (and is presently being) a tool for breaking through barriers and extending the sphere of human possibilities and achievements, both at the individual, corporate, and governmental levels. Like Jesus, the Christ, taught, "to him that believes nothing shall be impossible."

Paraphrased, it reads, "to him who can see, and be in unison with [capture the full state of] what is seen, what is seen [and experienced] will not be held back from him." 

That is, his subconscious mind goes to work in bringing it to pass. Our subconscious mind is our link/doorway to the non-ephemeral world.

Wallace Wattles puts it this way, "A thought is a substance, producing the thing that is imagined by the thought."

Takeaways: (for your journal, and possible sharing in the comments section)
1. What are your most dominant thoughts?
2. Are these things you want to come to pass in your life?
3. Where do they proceed from - faith (love) or fear?
4. Are these related to happenings in your past or that of those related to you?
5. Why have you personalized them?

© 2020 Akin Akinbodunse


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Tuesday, 9 June 2020

Overcoming the Fear of Commitment (Day 10)

Directed by my Subconscious Mind
The Source of Fear:

Fear is created in our subconscious mind as it gives life (interpretation) to that which we feed it, accompanied by our emotions' resonance. It does not matter if what we are feeding is true or false, real or fictional (i.e., imagined). The subconscious mind is unable to differentiate. Yet, it is the life (or death) giving source of our being. 

In it are written the programs (conditionings, habits, instructions, formats, neurological pathways, etc.) which control and drive our life. It functions to ensure we respond exactly the way we have been programmed. Our subconscious mind can either be our ally or foe depending on our understanding and usage of it. It can limit or empower us. As Carl Jung so rightly said, 
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will control your life and you will call it fate.”
Our subconscious mind is the storage system (hard drive) of our mind, which makes for who we are as a person. It functions to keep us within hitherto established comfort zones. It attracts to us conditions and circumstances according to our dominant thought patterns. It seeks congruency, irrespective of what that congruency is. It does not differentiate. it cannot differentiate.

The Task of the Gatekeeper:

Our conscious mind is the gatekeeper of our subconscious mind. The subconscious mind depends on it to do the vetting of information before they get to it. It determines what gets to it or not. Hence, it makes the required dissociation and association between the things that are true and false, real, and fictional. Our subconscious mind is not created to, nor can it, do the differentiation done by the conscious mind. 

Hence, it is at the mercy of the information (and vibes) reaching it. It assumes all the information and vibes, getting to it, as true, irrespective of what it is. Our subconscious mind is our powerful dummy errand bionic soldier. It will only do what it is programmed to do in magnified measures. Our only true limit in life is that which the subconscious mind dictates.

The Kernel of Mind Control:

Herein is the genesis of the different phobias plaguing mankind today. Here is the foundation of the mind control techniques prevalent. Here is the foundation of anxiety disorders and the accompanying scourge of depression. Herein is the power of advertising, brainwashing, and the mental conditioning effect of television (and movies) programmings.

The story is not all bad. Knowledge and understanding of the subconscious mind can be used in doing a lot of good, just as it can be used otherwise. Our task here is to understand the underlying issues (problems) of this phobia. And, use our understanding of the subconscious mind in overcoming it (i.e. re-programming. re-engineering it right).
“Before we can master an enemy, we must know its name, its habits, and its place of abode.” ― Napoleon Hill.
PS. Even though our focus here is on "The Fear of Commitment," all we are sharing is equally applicable to any other fear and/or habit. Trust you'll follow through with the takeaway exercises.

Takeaways: (for your journal, and possible sharing in the comments section)
1. Name five (5) phobias you know.
2. Do these affect you?
3. If yes, please describe your experience.
4. Do you know someone with any of these phobias? If yes, can you share how it affects them?
5. What are you doing, or will do differently based on all we have shared to date?

© 2020 Akin Akinbodunse


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Overcoming the Fear of Commitment (Day 9)

Pain is Inevitable. Suffering is Optional
To quote Marie Curie,
“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.” 
In the same token, commitment is not to be feared. It is only to be understood better and more. Our fear originates from our ignorance or rather lack of understanding.

Gaining a better and more understanding, and thereby overcoming this fear is our main thrust. And, the key to the life of our dreams.

The first things you learn about fear on this journey include,

         “Fears are nothing more than a state of mind.” (Napoleon Hill)

“Fear is not real. It is a product of thoughts you create. Do not misunderstand me. Danger is very real. But fear is a choice.” (Will Smith) 

“You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For remember, fear doesn't exist anywhere except in the mind.” (Dale Carnegie) 
Fear is something we create in our minds based on a thought we chose to dwell on and personalize. It is our interpretation of the world around us aided by the promptings of our survival instinct.

In the same way, we created it, we can also uncreate it. All we need to do is change our interpretation and understanding of the stimulant event (cue).

Takeaways: (for your journal, and possible sharing in the comments section)
1. Do you understand the difference between danger and fear?
2. Do you understand the difference between pain and suffering?
3. Do you understand the phrase, "fear does not exist in reality?"
4. Are there questions gathering in your mind on what we have shared so far?
5. Feel free to share your questions in the comment section, or come chat.

© 2020 Akin Akinbodunse


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Overcoming the Fear of Commitment (Day 8)

A Big YES Within
You need a strong enough WHY to overcome the coming “pain of withdrawal.”

And, that strength comes from within, not outside of you.

You got to want LIFE. You got to have a big YES within. You got to want MORE.

You got to be tired of the STATUS QUO. You got to be tired of the SAME OLD STORY. (Don't let the life you want to pass you by. Take a hold of it.)

YOU GOT TO FEEL THE PAIN OF THE PRESENT ENOUGH TO WANT THE FUTURE.

THE JOY YOU SEEK HAS TO BE WORTH THE CHANGE.

Anything less and you are already a failure even before you start.

I think the venture is worth it. I think it is worth the sacrifice.

The question is, do you?

Takeaways: (for your journal, and possible sharing in the comments section)
1. When you think about your future, what do you see, as it relates to relationship?
2. What are the demons (obstacles) in your path?
3. What are the angels (enablers) carrying and upholding you?
4. What do you want in your future?
5. What five (5) things will make a successful future you?

© 2020 Akin Akinbodunse


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Overcoming the Fear of Commitment (Day 7)

No One Can Do Your Press Up for You
This is going to involve you.

No one else can do this for you. 

As Jim Rohn would say, “You cannot hire other people to do you push-ups for you.” 

Yes, we will (others might, also) come along with you. That is no problem. Only we cannot do the work for you. You are going to have to take the steps yourself, to move your life to the next level. And, I know you are more than able to.

The question is do you know that for yourself? Can you conceive that? Can you accept that? Will you take the risk? Will you take the chance? 

How much do you really want it?

© 2020 Akin Akinbodunse


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Overcoming the Fear of Commitment (Day 6)

Let's Talk
I hear someone say, “but how?

I want to, but don’t know how.”

That is the essence of our time together – the essence of this discussion.

Your “wanting to” is already half of the journey, and is evidence in your reading up till this point.

Remember the Old English Proverb, 

“If there’s a will, there’s a way?”

You have the will, the way is being made manifest.

God will not put in your heart a desire that you cannot accomplish.

Your desire for life is evidence your deliverance is here.

© 2020 Akin Akinbodunse


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Overcoming the Fear of Commitment (Day 5)

You are not a prisoner of your history or your biology.

You can change. You can get better. You can achieve that which you put your mind on, to achieve. 

You are the captain of your soul; the master of your destiny, and your fate. 

You can if you choose to. Put away the excuses. Be a solution, conscious person. 

Have a desire to make the required changes to get your life on the right path.

That is the path of life, peace, and wholeness.

© 2020 Akin Akinbodunse


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Overcoming the Fear of Commitment (Day 4)

Standing for Life
“Call a spade a spade.”

Patching it up and/or living in denial does no one any good. 

Call the demon by its name. Let the whole of you rise up in unison against it. 

It is not a part of your DNA. It is a stranger that needs to go. 

It is a stranger that needs to leave. 

Its days of being welcomed and feeling at home are long over. 

It is time to stop running away and reacting. It is time to stop, think, and respond. 

It is time to go on the offensive, taking the initiative. 

Your life is not going to change and/or get better by chance. 

It is only going to get better by choice. 

You have to make the decision to have a different result. 

Remember the textbook definition of “Insanity.” 

It is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. 

Just how a whole lot of us are guilty of this. The problem is we do not stop to think.

"Thinking is difficult, that's why most people judge." (Carl Jung) 

Is thinking truly difficult? 

I don't think so. It only takes something of people. 

That is why not all men and women succeed. 

Those who think are the ones who differentiate themselves. 

As Jim Rohn so often says, 

“If you don’t like how things are, change it! You’re not a tree.”

© 2020 Akin Akinbodunse


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Overcoming the Fear of Commitment (Day 3)

One of the ways we stop digging our self into this hole is to stop running.

We need to get off the denial game. We need to stop denying the fact we have a challenge. 

We need to stop avoiding the issue. We need to stop calling it any other name, other than what it is. 

It is a demon, and we got to look it straight in the face, call it what it is and stand up to it.

I love the way Eleanor Roosevelt puts it. She says, 
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
Stand up to it and call it what it is. 

You have a challenge, and unless you accept it, you cannot begin to address it.

© 2020 Akin Akinbodunse


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Overcoming the Fear of Commitment (Day 1)

Gamophobia
So, how do we overcome the fear of commitment?

The first thing to realize is fear is a learned behavior. We were created to love, not fear. Our fear of commitment is a learned behavior from the things that either happened to us directly or indirectly.
 
Since we learned it, we can also unlearn it. NO ONE is doomed to it. The fullness of the change might not be instantaneous; but, we can start the journey immediately.

This applies to all other fears just as well. Never forget, we were not created to fear. We were created to love. Fear is the result of the baggage of our human existence and experiences to date.
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Overcoming the Fear of Commitment (Day 2)

Remember the law of holes?

It says, “If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.”

Stop the behavioral patterns associated with this phobia.

(I know this sounds easier said than done. And the intent here is not to give you abstract solutions. The intent is to arm you with tools you can immediately put to practice – tools you can associate with. So, stay with me, and let us navigate the journey together.)

In the meantime, STOP DIGGING.

Counting 1-2-3-4-5. Take a deep breath in. Counting a quick 1-2-3-4-5. Breathe out.

Better days are coming your way. I see it. I know it.

"When I’m at the bottom looking up, the main question may not be ‘how do I get out of this hole?’ In reality, the main question might be ‘how do I get rid of the shovel that I used to dig it?" ― Craig D. Lounsbrough
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