Every normal human being has a good reason for what they do. That is the way we are created. We do things we are convinced of doing. Even an armed robber has a good reason for stealing. It might not be in agreement with the law, but it sure is in agreement with his conscience, otherwise they will not do it.
So, the way to reach a person is not by throwing things over the fence. Empathy is about walking in the other person's shoes, irrespective of what those shoes might be. Then, and only then, can the person consider your own shoes.
The way to arouse the right emotions in your spouse is not by always going against their idea or way of seeing things. That only provokes them to defend their position, irrespective of how stupid it might be. You have to appreciate their person and see their perspective first. Only then can they agree to see yours.
People don't care about how right or wrong you are. They care first about how you make them feel. You can be logical all you want, if they don't feel you, you are all but noise. When you validate their feelings, you win them to your side. And guess what, they are ready and willing to be your doll thereafter.
Assumption is the lowest level of knowledge. It is block to our ability to show empathy. When in doubt, there is no harm in seeking clarity. Our questions, if nothing else, shows taht we care and want to be a part of our spouse's life.
Don't ask the questions you are not ready for the answer to. It will be foolishness to start something you cannot finish. Don't ask to make the situation was. Ask to make the situation better. Remember quality questions equate to quality answers.
And, lastly, NEVER be in a hurry to answer back. Let your words be seasoned with salt. Taste them first and ensure they will build and not destroy your relationship. Don't give your spouse a piece of your mind. Give your spouse a piece of your heart.
The Saint.
#EmpathyWins
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