We are too prone to doing that we miss the salient echo behind the noise. Even as a therapist, I have to always remind myself of this. My wife the other day was narrating a friend's feedback on one of our houses, and I already jumped into trying to solve the problem.
That was not what she needed. She simply wanted to talk. She wanted to engage. She wanted me to listen to her heart, her person, not solve the problem. Well, I had to catch myself midstream and get back on track.
Never forget, that communication is only 7-45% verbal. The rest is non-verbal. There is a whole lot you are missing when you focus only on verbal communication. And, until you hear, your spouse does not feel seen, and thus, not loved, nor connected.
Closely following the ability to listen to non-verbal cues is the ability to stay silent, especially when you have no words to make the occasion better. There is a whole lot that silence says that words have no clue about.
When you don't respond to a raging spouse, you transmute the energy in motion (emotions) to better use. You become the adult in the relationship. You as it were respond, rather than react. You choose your words to make the situation better not worse.
When you visit one grieving, you don't have to be like Job's friends, speaking vain words. Nothing you say could undo what has happened. What the person needs is the assurance of your presence and standing with and for.
Silence says, "I am here for and with you. We are in this together, on the same side."
The Saint.
#empathy
#empathy
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