Saturday, 27 May 2017

Fighting The Enemies of Marriage (Part Seven):

Lack of Commitment (Part Six): Taken Captive by Fear
People with gamophobic tendencies generally have issues with making decisions. They tend to want to eat their cake and have it at the same time. They are averse to taking risks. Hence, people with melancholic temperaments tend to be more susceptible to this phobia, as they tend to be more pessimistic than optimistic. Their temperament causes them to be more attuned to certainty, rather than uncertainty.
"The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably deal with." (Tony Robbins)
People who fear commitment truly want all the benefits that come with having a relationship but struggle to get past the hurdles of their fears, taking risks, and committing. Herein is the source of their frustration. What they desire seems so near, yet so far and out of reach. The truth of life is the fear of commitment knocks on the door of EVERY sane and reasonable person. The difference is in what each does with it. While others give place to courage and faith, the gamophobic holds tightly to the phobia, more like a lifeline, looking for any and every excuse to justify it. As it were his/her fear is stronger than the desire for the price "on the other side of the river."
"There is nothing more certain and unchanging than uncertainty and change." (John F. Kennedy)
NO ONE goes into a marriage relationship having ALL the answers. There is an element of RISK in EVERY single relationship. Every single relationship, like every other thing in life, requires courage. "Having courage does not mean that we are unafraid. Having courage and showing courage means we face our fears. We are able to say, 'I have fallen, but I will get up.'" (Maya Angelou) No circumstance of life will have rulership or the last word over my life.
"There is an element of RISK in EVERY single relationship."
I might "fall 7, but I'll rise 8." It is never over until I win. The last word has not been said until I conquer. So, having done your due diligence, you entrust the rest to providence. That is the place of faith. That is the place of courage. You cannot commit without faith. You cannot commit without courage. Faith does not deny fear. Courage is not the absence of fear. Faith is trusting in someone (something) bigger than you. Courage is moving forward in spite of the fear, after doing your due diligence. Courage is the expectation of good things as a final outcome while treading in unfamiliar territory. It is the overcoming of self in the push, press, and purposeful movement involved with the stream of life flow.
"He who conquers others is strong; He who conquers himself is mighty." (Lao Tzu)
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear." (Ambrose Redmoon) It "...is grace under pressure." (Ernest Hemingway) Courage is fear that has said its prayers." (Dorothy Bernard) It is the characteristic of one who is gaining traction in the school of life. No wonder the Holy Book reads, “The Just shall live by faith.” Truly without faith, there is no living. For without it, one is rendered captive to fear.
"NO ONE goes into a marriage relationship having ALL the answers."
"As you become comfortable with uncertainty, infinite possibilities open up in your life. It means fear is no longer a dominant factor in what you do and no longer prevents you from taking action to initiate change." (Eckhart Tolle)
Twenty-six years ago, as they were finishing college, Martins proposed to Mary. Here was the reply, "No, I want to leave my options open." Years after, proposing again, it was, “Let us just be friends.” Martins had to make a definite decision with his life, years after. He has since been married for the last nineteen years. Mary, on the other hand, is apparently still “keeping her options open, and just being friends.” She is yet to get married. She is probably still searching and waiting for her perfect ideal soulmate. Trusting you are not Mary and this is not your story.
"When you next find yourself in a state of uncertainty, resist your fear. Shift your focus toward where you want to go and your actions will take you in that direction." (Tony Robbins)
Don’t let your phobia get the better of you. Life is all about having and exhibiting courage. Not even God can help one who is not courageous – one who would not stand up and live. Courage is about knowing why you are here, what YOU want out of life and going for it. This is irrespective of what people, your environment, and/or circumstances of life might be shouting out at you.
"He that has conquered fear has conquered failure." (James Allen)
You are not a prisoner of your biology, or of your history. You are designed to succeed. The challenge might be in your corrupted programming. That is not a death spell. It can be corrected. It is fixable. It can be changed. You can make the changes you need to get your life on the path of your dreams. Your dreams are possible. You are possible.
"You are designed to succeed. The challenge might be in your corrupted programming." 
Only one thing makes a dream impossible: fear of failure. (Paolo Coelho)
It is time to take the bull (life) by the horns. It is time to live again. Make your marriage the one you want it to be. Make the right investments. A healthy, stable, and rewarding marriage does not come by chance. It comes by choice, the willingness, and the act of making the right investment.


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