Saturday 27 January 2018

Nice vs. Niceaholic? (Part Two): Niceaholicism.

Do You Ever Get Angry?

Ever heard of the word “Niceaholic” – Compulsive Niceness? It is an addiction to being nice. And, like every other addiction, it is a problem. Why? Your actions are no more coming from your heart. They are coming out of fear and compulsion. You are not necessarily doing what you do because of love. You are doing it because of the consequence of not doing it. 

You are not necessarily adjusting your niceness to fit your partner. Rather, it is to assuage your fears. Though you are nice, you are not necessarily connecting. The more common nomenclature for “Niceaholic” is “Acute People Pleaser.” Such people are afraid of and do EVERYTHING to avoid confrontations. And, when everything is exhausted, create new ones. 
"The partner truly best suited to us is not the one who miraculously happens to share every taste, but the one who can negotiate differences in taste with intelligence and grace."  Alain de Botton.
Ever seen someone pushed to the wall, and rather than fight back, begins to dig into the wall? That is the story of the “Niceaholic.” Such are not ripe for relationship. For, EVERY TRUE RELATIONSHIP WILL HAVE TO FACE UP WITH ONE CONFRONTATION OR THE OTHER. It is the heat that produces the melting of hearts together.

There is more to a good relationship than just being nice. Niceness and love are not synonyms. The Holy Scriptures have a thing to say on this. It reads,
“I could give all that I have to feed the poor, I could surrender my body to be burned as a martyr, but if I do not live in love, I gain nothing by my selfless acts.” — The Voice.
Relationships are not about what you do or do not do. They are about two hearts linking and working together. Every other thing is an outflow from that. Even God will not take our sacrifice if our heart is not in it. How come we expect mortal, weak, and fallible human beings too? A relationship is more about the harmony of the hearts in the relationship; every other thing is a wash.

© 2016 Akin Akinbodunse.

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