Saturday, 29 July 2017

Fighting the Enemies of Marriage (Part Twelve)

Overcoming The Fear of Commitment (Part Five): Disperse the Fog - - III 
Next on the list are fears occasioned by some health issue or the other. People with such tend to feel incomplete, or inadequate. Only this week, I was sharing with someone who was born with one of his eyes half shut. It had stolen his confidence. Hence, he had not grown to love and accept himself. By so doing, he leaves no room for others, especially a potential future partner to love him. By not accepting and loving himself, he was shutting the door and passage for receiving and accepting love from others.
"Fear, uncertainty, and discomfort are your compasses towards growth. If you run you stand a chance of losing, but if you don't run you're already lost." (Barack Obama)
And, there are several other examples out there. People who think they are too short, too tall, too fat, too thin, no hands, no legs, no butt, no boost, no chest, blind, deaf, and the list continues. Just as the examples of seeming limitations abound, so also examples of people who have overcome and thrived in spite of these. Your case is no different.
"All the concepts about stepping out of your comfort zone mean nothing until you decide that your essential purpose, vision, and goals are more important than your self-imposed limitations." (Robert White)
Stephen Covey, in his book, "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People", tells about two circles. The first, "The Circle of Influence," and the second, "The Circle of Concern." The Circle of Influence is harnessed inside the Circle of Concern. The Circle of Concern encompasses all the things that affect us in one way or the other. Hence, they are the things we can be concerned about or worried about. Such includes, the weather, the government, our health (including the various maladies listed above), world politics, the economy, etc. The Circle of Influence includes things in our Circle of Concern, which we can affect. That is, we can do something about it.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference." (Reinhold Niebuhr)
Harnessed in the Circle of Influence is another circle - "The Circle of Control or Commitment." This includes the things we actually commit to and take action on. This is the most important of the three circles, for it determines the quality of our life. Being able to affect something is not enough. That is only less than half the story. We have to commit to and actually do something about it. The more we do the more our self-esteem, self-love, self-worth, self-confidence, etc. grows. And, the stronger, bolder and brighter (both inside and outside) we become.
"Your best is going to change from moment to moment. It will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret." (Miguel Ruiz)
The more we proactively work on our Circle of Control the bigger it, and the Circle of Influence and the Circle of Concern gets, and the better the quality of our life. The more we sit back and complain, worry, and fret the smaller our Circle of Control and Circle of Influence gets. And, the more out of control and downhill our life gets. The ball is always in our court. The call is ours to make. Rather than focusing on the things we can do nothing about, (like the way we were born, etc.) wisdom beckons on us to focus on the things we can do something about, step out, and actually do something.
"Don’t spend the time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door." (Coco Chanel)
Some health issues might limit us, but nothing ever takes all our options away, for as long as we are alive. The health issue might have reduced our options, but "reduce" is the word. We still have options. It is up to us to make the best of what we have. The more we do, the more new options open. There are always things we can do. Those things are the ones which will bring us exaltation and entrance into our promised land, whatever that might be. Those who focus on their circle of influence understand life is not, and never is about what they have, or not. It is always about who they are and are becoming. That is all that makes the difference in the whole wide world. That is who their potential spouse will fall in love with. That is who their spouse will get to live with. That is what makes a marriage. It is not about the possession (be it physical, material, psychological or spiritual), but rather about the people in it.
"Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be." (Sonia Ricotta)
Speak well over your life. Expect all that you want, not all you don't want. It is your life. Treat it well. You don't have to cross every "T." You don't have to dot every "I." There is no life in that. Work on the essential few and entrust the rest to providence. Never forget. You are not God, nor is life expecting that. There is only so much you can do. You are limited. Life is focusing your limitedness on the things that move the needle, and not everything. Life is waiting for you. Go and take a hold of it. You got all it takes. You were made for a day such as this. Go embrace life. Go forth and live. 
"Turn wishful thinking into positive action. Those who take a proactive stance in their lives tend to have an ample supply of joy and pleasure." (Cheryl Saban)
Your getting into a relationship is to bless your partner not be at the mercy of him/her. You got all it takes to stand on your own two feet.

You are no parasite. You are nothing to be used.

You are a treasure. You are desirable. You are needed. You are wanted. You are loved. You are whole.

© 2017 Akin Akinbodunse

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