Friday, 10 July 2020

Decent or Hatched:

Comfortable with Me
Anton Pavlovich Chekhov wrote, "If you are afraid of loneliness, don’t marry." Said another way, if you cannot be alone with yourself, don't marry. You are not a marriage asset. Marriage is not for those who have not cut the umbilical cord. Marriage is for adults, not children. It is for those who have grown out of being dependent to being independent.

A marriage decision is one that can only be taken by two independent individuals who have resolved to ratch up to the next level of life's continuum. That is the interdependent level. As C.S. Lewis so rightly said, "It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg."

In the same token, a person who is unable to transit from dependency to independency will find it much harder, possibly impossible, to transit from dependency straight to interdependency.

If you want marriage to be in your future, or you want to enjoy a healthy, lifegiving marriage, you need to transit from dependence to independence. Then, and only then can you begin to learn what it means to live a married, interdependent life.

Like C.S. Lewis concludes, "We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad."


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