Sunday, 7 May 2017

Love Me, Not My Dimples

"Into Me See. I Want All of You"
Just as much as we all have enviable and attractive personalities, structures, and figures, we each also have baggage. Our baggage might be different, but just as sure as sure is we all have them. If you ever meet someone without baggage, run for your dear life. You just met a ghost. And, I can't guarantee your life is not at stake. Marriage is about accepting the totality of your spouse. The complete package is what makes each of us human, not robots, nor gods. 
"Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl." – Stephen Leacock.
A commitment to be joined in holy matrimony is a commitment not just to accept the good and beautiful, but the bad and ugly, as well. Marriage is not just an embrace of the perfect, but the imperfections, also. Otherwise, it is any other thing, but marriage. "Marriage is a coming together of 'equals,' who though can afford to live alone on their own, choose to join forces and resources together for the journey of life." That journey is a package, full of unknowns and no guarantees. 
"Marriage is a coming together of 'equals,' who though can afford to live alone on their own, choose to join forces and resources together for the journey of life."
Marriage is a risk. Marriage is a dare. Marriage is a commitment to stay together through the thick and thin of life, without giving up. It is not for children nor the lily-livered. It is for those who have come of age. And, guess what, it is not compulsory. It is a choice. The exercise of free will. When we enter into marriage, it is with the heart of living with who we have, not some idealistic, dream world, fairy tale personality. Our spouse is who or what we’ve got, not our image of who our they are supposed to be. 
"When we enter into marriage, it is with the heart of living with who we have, not some idealistic, dream world, fairy tale personality."
No one will fault you for dreaming, fantasying, and expecting the world, but you got to first wake up. And, accept wholeheartedly who you got. Your dreams possibly coming to pass begins with you first waking up and facing reality. You need to also take cognizance that there are no guarantees. There are no promises. When it comes to change, the only person you can somewhat guarantee is your own self. Even that is with a pinch of salt. It does not fall from the skies. You've got to do the prerequisite work.

Hence, it is important, prior to marriage, to have our eyes "very wide open," before making the commitment. The commitment is not a promissory note to change. It is a commitment to accept as is. That is what you signed into and for. You promised to take your spouse as is, no guarantees, no promises. Hence, once the deal is done, those eyes of yours need to become half shut. "You hooked and were hooked."
"The commitment is not a promissory note to change. It is a commitment to accept as is."
We need to learn to overlook a lot of things if our marriage is to be good and successful. Marriage is between two imperfect human beings living together in a “small space.” The small space of marriage, of its own, magnifies our imperfections. Our seeming bad situation is made worse by our small space. Our duty and place are to each put these imperfections where they belong, by focusing on the things that brought us together. What we focus on we magnify and give relevance and importance. 
"Marriage is between two imperfect human beings living together in a 'small space.'"
What we focus on is what we celebrate and give a bigger than life emblem to. The more we focus on the things that brought us together, the more the things that want to tear us apart diminish in relevance and significance. And, guess what? Some of those bad and ugly things actually do disappear. Each partner is actually growing and maturing through the process. There is no better environment to grow than one in which you are loved and accepted for who you are. 

The worst thing you can ever do to your spouse is pressuring your spouse to change. Under such pressure, your spouse feels unworthy. It hits negatively on a spouse’s self-esteem and self-image. Such changes, if ever they occur, are temporal, and conditioned. Lasting change comes when a person sees the reason to change in and of their self, and makes the decision of their own accord. True change only takes place from within, in a loving, caring, and accepting environment.
"The worst thing you can ever do to your spouse is pressuring your spouse to change."
Water the garden of your marriage with love and unconditional acceptance of one another. And, see God bring about the increase in your lives, in all areas. What you'll get will amaze and supersede your wildest imagination. Now get to work on it.

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