Saturday 23 September 2017

Marriage - Why Are You in It?

A Paradox:

A healthy and rewarding relationship is one in which the partners come not because of what they can get, but rather for what they can give. However, that which keeps them in the relationship is what they get, not what they give. This is popularly known as the paradox of relationships. We use the word paradox because it seems contradictory but is not.

Eleanor Roosevelt put it this way, "To me who dreamed so much as a child, who made a dream world in which I was the heroine of an unending story, the lives of people around me continued to have a certain storybook quality. I learned something which has stood me in good stead many times — The most important thing in any relationship is not what you get but what you give."

Marriage Will Not Make You Happy:

People come into a relationship (marriage) for several reasons. For some, it is just for the companionship of having someone to do things with. For others, it is for the status it brings. This varies from the mundane status of being married to financial or societal badges. Chief amongst the driving forces, for many, is the desire for happiness.

The challenge is marriage (just like money) does not make people necessarily happy. It simply makes one more of what one already is. That is to say, it accentuates who you are. It is a magnifier. It is an enabler. Marriage itself is neutral. It does not necessarily determine the direction of the enabling. It has no power of its own. Its power is that which the parties give. "A good marriage isn’t something you find; it’s something you make, and you have to keep on making it." (Gary Thomas)
So, marriage does not make anyone happy. It makes those who are already happy happier and those who are sad, possibly, sadder. The truth is no one can make you truly happy. Only you can make lemonades out of the lemons life gives to you. Only you can set goals and aspirations for your life. Only you can make up your mind on its worth. Only you can determine how much you are willing and will invest. No one else will or can do that for you. Your happiness is in your hands.

Marriage Can Be a Mirror or a Door:

The other challenge with marriage, just as with life, is it only gives back that which you give. You only get from a marriage that you put into it. Nothing in marriage is automatic. It follows the golden rule, “Do unto others that which you would want to be done to you.” Note it places the responsibility on each of us. It does not say, “Do to others as they do to you.” NO! That is what children do. Marriage, just like life, is about service. It is about serving one another. Whatever you want back to give it. "A healthy relationship doesn't drag you down. It inspires you to be better." (Unknown) 

If you are in a marriage relationship, the minimum expectation of you is that of maturity. Show it in your giving. Don’t wait for your partner to be nice. Seek to outdo your partner in love, in honor, in humility, and all the other good things of life. That which you sow is your prayer for that which you want. Do not put pressure on your partner to respond. Do it because you want to do it, not just because of what you want in return. Do it in love. Allow providence to work in your favor.

Your sacrifice is what God uses to lift you up to your next level of evolution and or service. "If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don’t expose it to the elements. You don’t make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by." (Elder F. Burton Howard)

© 2015 Akin Akinbodunse

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