Monday 28 September 2020

Marriage = Trust and Openness

Naked and Not Ashamed

When the fear of commitment has a grip on us, we are uptight, crossing every “T” and dotting every “I.” We are too serious for fun a relationship should entail. We cook up the seriousness to cover up our shallowness. We read meaning to every meaningless thing in a bid to avoid missing anything out. Yet, we miss it all. For unknown to us, the real mistake is in not making mistakes. For it is our imperfection that binds us together, not our perfection.

Can you imagine how so boring and mechanical it will be having your spouse control every move when you get down? That which is meant to be a journey in discovery becomes hounded by an obsession with insecurity. The beauty of a relationship is in the openness of discovery. Nakedness is the rule of the game for truly melting into oneness. Until both parties are truly naked and not ashamed, there cannot be a journey to oneness.

Being naked comes with its own risks, but there is no other way around it. There is no other way to oneness. The prize to gain, by far, outweighs the sacrifice. It is worth the risk if you are genuinely in it for forever. By giving up control, one can create space for new ideas and a more receptive outlook. The partner is judged and related to who he/she is, not the stereotype that is being imposed.

There is a time, and there is a place for all things. Hence, this ought to be done with the right guidance. Don’t give up more control than the trust you have established can handle and/or carry. Trust is your safety net. This is in no way excusing the need to climb out of one’s hole. Without trust, there is no relationship in the first place.

If you have come to the journey of marrying someone, there has to be some trust level. Build on it. Trust and openness are two sides of the same coin. The more you trust a person, the more you open up. In the same token, the more you open up to a person, the more the person builds trust in you. The important thing is building trust in the right measure and proportion as one proceeds on the journey.

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