Wednesday 1 July 2020

Keep Your Home (Part 1): No Raising of Your Voice

Shouting Match
Well, as promised, this month I will be taking one rule every other day of the 30 rules for godly women, shared yesterday. Hoping this will resolve the misconceptions expressed by a few.

Also, as promised, I will be posting the rules for men in the course of the month. Trusting and hoping for a smooth engaging ride. So, here we go.

Rule 1: "Never raise your voice for any reason to your husband. Its a sign of disrespect."

In this age of full-blown feministic mentality, I can imagine the riotous response this would generate on some other platforms. In the last few weeks, I have had to spar with a few folks on one of the forums I belong to. And, this was for mere mention that men and women are different. Their angst at the very essence of manhood came to the fore, but their shallowness sold them out.

There is never really a reason to raise your voice to anyone, not your husband, not your wife, not your child, not your anyone at all. Typically when we raise our voice, it is a sign of frustration. Something seems to tell us raising our voice will get our point across faster and maybe better. Something seems to insinuate, it will show how serious we truly are on the issue(s) on the floor. How true is this?

Now let us switch positions. How much fun do you get from someone shouting on you? This is irrespective of the way you are responding, or how poorly you have performed. What kind of reactions does the person's action awake in you? What effects does the cause (shouting) awake in you?

Does someone shouting on you evoke love? Do you feel drawn by the shouting, or you feel belittled? Remember the golden rule? "Do unto others as you will want them to do unto you." And, the corollary diamond rule? "Treat others as they will want to be treated."

Where does shouting on your spouse fall on the gold and diamond rules' scale? Does it have a place? The same goes for your children. Switch positions with them and ask the same questions. How much training, cultivation, and affirmation does your shouting work in their lives? Does it make them more confident of themselves, or otherwise? Why then do we still shout on one another?

One of the reasons we still do include, the unconscious mindset of thinking we are in competition with one another. We are counting scores. "He won (got) me yesterday, so I got to get back at him." "She does not seem to understand how money runs in this house. I might as well rein her in." So, you raise your voice. "I need to show I am the man of the house." So, like a lion, you roar.

And, what is the roar suppose to achieve? She feels oppressed, misunderstood, and lacks connection. Instead of addressing the issues, she revolts by yelling at him. "How else will he know I am offended? How else can I get his attention," you reckon. He gets shouted on, so he feels belittled. "She does not respect me," he retorts. "She does not respect my person." "She is not submissive," he concludes.

Rather than draw closer, he pushes further away. Rather than become more submissive and loving, she seeks to revolt. Rather than grow into a confident, respectable child, he/she lacks a place of rest, a place of refuge. How so true it is that Robert K. Greenleaf writes, "The value of coercive power is inverse to its use - more so every day."

So, in conclusion, there is no place for raising your voice in a family setting. There is no place for raising your voice on your wife, your husband, nor your children.

Do let me know if there are dissenting views. Let us discuss this.

© 2020 Akin Akinbodunse

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