Saturday, 22 April 2017

Fighting The Enemies of Marriage (Part Two):

Lack of Commitment (Part One): Introduction
Lack of Commitment came out as the number one reason for divorce, from a survey conducted by the US based National Fatherhood Initiative. This is not surprising, as it hits at the very root of marriage. Marriage represents the height of commitment in any relationship. Hence, one will expect a lack, fear or depreciation thereof to hit at its very root, its very essence.

So, why, for crying out loud, will anyone, having gone through the trouble of a marriage ceremony, lack (or fear) the commitment required in making it work? Below are some reasons that readily come to mind.
  • Taking the marriage, and/or each other for granted 
  • Distractions (children, work, etc.) 
  • A sense of betrayal 
  • Lack of fulfillment (unmet expectations) 
  • Unwillingness to change (mature) 
  • Carried over baggage 
It might help to take a closer look at each of these, and more, as we progress in this discuss. Let us start by taking a closer look at the word “commitment” itself. What is commitment? What does it look like? How do I know when its embers are high, low, or simply normal? What can I do to kindle it, and keep it glowing?

Commitment is that part of a relationship that provides safety and security. It provides an environment where the couples can express their thoughts, feelings and desires openly. It creates an atmosphere where each spouse can be, without fear of being looked down on or rejected. Commitment creates the undertone of “we want to be together come thick or thin, rain or shine. We want to build a life together. You can trust me to always be there for you.”
Commitment creates the undertone of “we want to be together come thick or thin, rain or shine. We want to build a life together. You can trust me to always be there for you.”
Commitment says, we are in this together – whether we fail, or win. It says, I’ve got your back, and I trust you’ve got mine too. It says, “it does not matter how we got here, let us make it worth the while; let us build together.” It is camaraderie where the spouses see each other as partners with a common objective and goal.

Commitment is a choice (decision), not a feeling. It is a choice to give up other competing choices so as to focus on the choice (relationship, marriage). It is a decision to go the long haul. It is not as much what we do, or not do. It is more about the heart and spirit we bring into the relationship.

Dr. Scott Stanley, a marriage researcher and therapist at the University of Denver, defines commitment as having a long-term view of the marriage that helps us not get overwhelmed by the problems and challenges day to day. It is keeping our eyes focused on the goal - which is a healthy, stable and mutually rewarding marriage – and working towards it.
Commitment...is keeping our eyes focused on the goal - which is a healthy, stable and mutually rewarding marriage – and working towards it.
So, how are you doing in the commitment department? How is your marriage fairing? Are there other definitions, or ways of expatiating on the definition you can share? Any story you might want to bless the community with? Any question on your mind in this wise? Feel free to share. Make your marriage the one you want it to be. Make the right investments. A healthy, stable and rewarding marriage does not come by chance. It comes by choice, the willingness and act of making the right investment.
A healthy, stable and rewarding marriage does not come by chance.

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